The perfectionist in my wants things, well, perfect. That adds quite a bit of stress to my life, especially because I want other people to be perfect, too. And when they are not it is hard for me to restrain myself and let them be. I guess I have to learn to be patient with them, but it would be so much more efficient if they just learned to get things right. Don't you think?
There is a lady in my social circle that I have know for years, but not very well. From the moment I met Tracy I was drawn to her, but unfortunately our paths haven't crossed often. She oozes serenity and her sheer presence has a calming effect on me. Lately we see more of each other and on one occasion she said she is good at simply watching. Today I asked her if she had any insights for me on how to learn to just sit and watch. By the time she told me that she thought it was a personality trait, I was bawling.
Tracy simply put an arm around me and let me cry. She made a few gentle inquiries to find out what bothered me so much. When I told her, she said she thought it was okay to improve things. That it was okay to be frustrated, but that I should make sure I don't get angry. Good point. I'll take her advice. Not getting angry is harder than it sounds, but being angry is such an aggressive, negative energy.
So I cried a little more, she said that was okay, too. I cried even more some time later on when I told James about our conversation.
Mental note to self: You don't need to be perfect.
Realizing I was a hoarder was both a shock and a relief. A shock, because nobody wants to have a mental disorder. A relief, because my situation finally had a name. I found people who could relate. Knowing the problem helps solving it. I can step aside and look at the situation from a more neutral point of view. Why am I blogging about it? 2 reasons. 1. Putting my thoughts into words helps me think more clearly. 2. If this helps just one, who is like me, see the light it was more than worth it!
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