My sister once told me that in a sentence that is split by a "BUT", according to research the part before the but is usually a lie. Like:"I am sorry we are late, but we missed the bus."Actually I am not sorry at all it was not important enough for me to leave on time. At first I didn't believe her. I felt the "BUT" had every right to be there. I started watching myself and realized that most of the time the part in front of the "BUT" usually was either just a polite phrase, or something to cushion the blow that was to follow:"I love her dearly BUT she can be a royal pain in the rear!"
I also used to say:"I want to donate these clothe, BUT I have more." I claimed that I couldn't donate anything unless I got it all there in one place to be donated. Tomorrow is another curb pick up for clothes and shoes. I know I have one more pair of shoes I want to donate. Unfortunately I am not sure where the second one is and I am too tired to search for it. Yes, I am sure I have more clothes to donate. This is all I have selected so far and the tiny bag with about 10 items will have to do for today.
I am glad there is no more "BUT". It never got me anywhere.
Realizing I was a hoarder was both a shock and a relief. A shock, because nobody wants to have a mental disorder. A relief, because my situation finally had a name. I found people who could relate. Knowing the problem helps solving it. I can step aside and look at the situation from a more neutral point of view. Why am I blogging about it? 2 reasons. 1. Putting my thoughts into words helps me think more clearly. 2. If this helps just one, who is like me, see the light it was more than worth it!
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