STRUGGLING

I am struggling big time. I am highly irritated with everyone and everything and a lot of my energy goes into not lashing out at anyone who dares to breath within 5 feet of me. I am not sure what the cause is. Hormones? Lack of sleep? Needy child? I'll blame November. The grey, the rain, the cold. And the full schedule. At the moment I have one child out of 6 that does not fill my mind with worries. At least if I ignore how skinny he is these days and that he hasn't gained any weight in a long time.

Today I will be nice to myself and give myself a pat on the back for every tiny little thing. I am not sure how to find my inner balance but it is very necessarry.

My task list is hard, even the revised one. I got laundry down, and I am doing okay on blogging. Everything else? Well, needs improvement. I'll do piano today, to soothe my confused brain. Piano helps me blend out all my worries, Because If I don't I can't hit the right keys. So, attend to the baby, then play the piano and then hope the baby won't be needy again already. Sometimes I wonder what I have gotten myself in to.

So the day is over. Piano never happened. But hey. I am still alive and I think I did well. That's all that matters....

LONG DAY

I had a long day. A very long day. Pretty much nothing went as planned. (Sick kids surprise, surprise!) But in the end it all worked out and I feel good about life and all it has in store for me. I read a blogpost today ( http://breakingthesilence-cam.blogspot.de/2012/11/my-name-is-julie.html ) if you are interested. And it lifted my spirits. So I am a hoarder. Who cares? Being a hoarder won't break me. Because I won't let it. Just like Julie I want to become better, not bitter. Tonight as I go to bed I will not worry about the mess. I will close my eyes and be grateful for James, who is a wonderful supporting husband, I wil be grateful for my kids who make me smile and make me stretch and improve. I will see this messy house as the wonderful blessing it is, that gives my family shelter from the elements.

I love life. It's about perspective. I am blessed, truely blessed. Having hoarding to deal with in my life just makes it richer. More diverse. Keeps me humble and will open doors to help others!