PROPHETIC WORDS

What were my last words in my last post? Still taking bets on who will get sick? Well. To make the list shorter, Alex and Luke did not get sick. The rest had a 2-5 day encounter with a nasty stomach bug, and with Luke it is questionable whether he didn't get it or if he just had a very mild form.

The last 4 weeks saw me traveling, tending to a sick family, I started it all and was out for 5 days, everybody else was smart enough to wait for me to get better to clean up after them, I have also been swamped with work. Over the last month I received as many documents to be translated as over the first half year of 2016. And don't forget the new school year. Yes. I did survive the first day of school.

I am feeling rather good about it all at the moment. I feel unstoppable, even if the place is in complete chaos. I feel like I simply need to get started to succeed.

I started to throw out clothes. Soon the change of seasons will make it necessary to switch to warmer clothes and Ihave every intention of minimizing everyone's wardrobe!

ACHIEVEMENT OF THE WEEK

I ate my weight in chocolate. Well. Maybe not quite but close enough. 

I managed to do 2 loads, the walk, the blogging, but not in one day. Who cares. I am surviving day to day an am getting more than done the last couple of weeks, even if to be honest, that isn't that hard. It's hard to be happy when you constantly feel like failing. Maybe being happy should be my top priority.

I LOST FOCUS

A couple of weeks ago I decided to make the choice of being happy. Yesterday I noticed that I lost focus. For the last week feelings of overwhelm and dread started to wash up my happy little shore again. So today once more, I chose to be happy. I also started taking vitamin B. Last week was crazy, but lets face it. This Monday morning there was less left to do than on after a normal week. So I am doing great. I will not let myself be defeated by minor things.

One of my bigger accomplishments is sorting more game pieces into their original boxes. I am not sure why I dreaded this so  much. Maybe because it is one of those tasks where every time you think you are done one more piece surfaces. But you know what? I don't care. I found the instructions to a game, that I gave to my sister. I scanned it, sent her an email and threw away the instructions! Okay. So it took me 3 days, but I finally did it!

Surface of the day: basket full of random

5 a day:game instructions, kid' art, game pieces

I'M STILL HAPPY

It's a challenge when you step into a pile of sand in a room that you vacuumed 2 hours earlier, or when your clean bathtub is covered in mud. Gets me back to feeling that none of this makes sense. But hey. The kids have done well doing little jobs. And I am getting better at throwing things away. Left over food, usable paper and other little things.

Doing my 10 min routine, I can tell that I am making good progress. I have returned to the original version of it. Start with morning routine (sort laundry, air out house) 10 min of laundry (washing, folding, what ever is necessary) then start at the bedroom right of the stairs and work counter clockwise.  The reason this works so well for me is because I keep my clean areas clean. And I can easily see if I make progress. Today I made it all the way through 2 bedrooms and the bathroom and was 15 min ahead of schedule, even though I only worked a little more than 1 hour for the last 3 days instead of 2. Once more we can see that persistence is key.

I have identified and gathered a few things to leave the house, and also packed them up. I will now happily go to bed. Stayed up way to late again!

BEING HAPPY

Some say being happy is a choice. I agree. It is. It just sometimes is a choice that's hard for me to make. Today I decided to focus on being happy. That for me included to not judge. Not judge the kids, my house, myself. Going back to no expectations. Ah. So hard at first. It becomes easier with a little practice. Today I feel light and happy. I have a good book to read, the washer is running, the kids are happy (for the moment). And I feel like throwing something out. Hm. Let's go find something to get rid off!

MAKE LIFE BEAUTIFUL

I am not sure if I have made the "I can't resist office supplies" - confession yet, but here we go. I love paper, folders, pens and pencils and I make sure I stay out of office supply stores. But  every now and then the stuff crosses my path. And then it is very hard to resist. Almost impossible. Today all I can say in my defense is that I only took one each of the 3 most pretty designs out of 8 or so to chose from.

When I saw them, I knew I needed to have them. I walked away and came back. Picked one, put it in my cart, walked away, came back picked more, put them back, decided I didn't need any and settled for 3. I was trying to came up with things I could use them for. I decided that the "Roses" could be used for my pictures, that the "Kiwi" could be for my recipes and that I really needed to come up with a use for "Tomato and Mozzarella".I was chewing myself out for buying them the whole way home. I reminded myself of the ones I have in the basement. And I did point out to myself, that I was down to 3 and that getting new ones was probably a good idea. I still felt bad at night.Around 9 pm I realized the only way I could feel better about this was to put them to use. I sat down with my pictures, and sorted them. Got my recipes folder. Came up with the grand plan of putting desserts with kiwi, and savory with t&m. 

The old recipe folder felt kind of sticky and gritty, and I did get rid of about 20 recipes I have had for years but never used. There was a critical moment when I wondered how to put the folder to use from now on. But guess what: That folder might look okay from the outside, but the inside is filthy, and the outside feels filthy. So I grabbed it and stuffed it in the trash. Are you proud of me? And you know what. The shelf with my new recipe folders looks so much better! Beautiful makes me happy.

I DESERVE BEAUTIFUL!

surface of the day:

7 a day: recipes

NO EXPECTATIONS

I heard the following thing:

Have no expectations. This way you will not be disappointed.

"WHATEVER!" was my first thought. How on earth would that work. You simply can not NOT have any expectations. No matter how I looked at it, it simply didn't feel true. It was impossible. I got rather upset about it. How could somebody utter something so unbelieveable stupid and believe they said something profound? I simply couldn't let it go. I mused about it for days. Finally it dawned on me. It was kind of like Einstein's "Theory of relativity". In school they all claimed they understood. I was the only who admitted that I couldn't for the life of me imagine 2 spaceships without a point of reference. There is ALWAYS a point of reference. I felt it was the same with expactations. There are ALWAYS expectations. 

I decided to give it a try. Man. It was hard. It made me see one thing. My expectations really can ruin an expirience for me. Instead of simply enjoying the moment, I would wait for my expectations to be fulfilled. Learning that helped me to have fewer expectations, or lower expectations.

Today was a day with high expectations. I would clean for 2 hours, get rid of 5 things. The surface of the day would be tackled and I would start out on decluttering the whole house. Well. Gues what. It didn't work out. By 2 pm I decided to let it go. I erased my expectations. And I was happy. I decided I would be a relaxed happy mom. Around 5:30 I felt a pang of guilt for not living up to my expectations. I told James and he made me feel like it was perfectly fine to not fullfill them. And I was able to let it go again.

This is what I did instead. Trust me. These babies exceeded my expectatiosn BY FAR!

IT WAS BETTER

Today was better. A lot better. Most likely due to some ibuprofen. I might only have gotten 90 min in, but I can claim that I have started decluttering again. Admittedly  I am sorting through stuff that only came in yesterday, but 3 big black bags are 3 big black bags. I not only made it through the first bag, but I also found out which size for boys clothes my friend Jane needs so I can pack a bag, straight for her.

I am motivatd. Highly motivated. It's break through time. I can feel it. I can see it. I did not let the first half of the week get me. I pulled through with the plan for the rest of the week and so far. I can do this. I am strong. And I will be happy. It's my choice!

LONG DAY

I had a long day. A very long day. Pretty much nothing went as planned. (Sick kids surprise, surprise!) But in the end it all worked out and I feel good about life and all it has in store for me. I read a blogpost today ( http://breakingthesilence-cam.blogspot.de/2012/11/my-name-is-julie.html ) if you are interested. And it lifted my spirits. So I am a hoarder. Who cares? Being a hoarder won't break me. Because I won't let it. Just like Julie I want to become better, not bitter. Tonight as I go to bed I will not worry about the mess. I will close my eyes and be grateful for James, who is a wonderful supporting husband, I wil be grateful for my kids who make me smile and make me stretch and improve. I will see this messy house as the wonderful blessing it is, that gives my family shelter from the elements.

I love life. It's about perspective. I am blessed, truely blessed. Having hoarding to deal with in my life just makes it richer. More diverse. Keeps me humble and will open doors to help others!