ROTM

1 day left and nothing achieved. This month was completely crazy. Way too much going on. Emotionally and physically. And one thing more time consuming then the next. Even this post. I started it 3 days ago and never made it past the first 3 sentences.

It felt like no matter what I did, even if I crossed things of my list  it just led to more work. Like cooking. Cross of cocking, add cleaning to the kitchen to the list and so on. Cross of phone call. Add going downtown for the stupid appointment. So when I crossed of label Ballett shoes just to realize I put the wrong name in I had it. I was wondering how on earth I could get the sharpie off without doing to much damage. Then I decided to play this smart. I activated my PR department. Told Marie that I labeled her shoes "Ella" laughed and said:"Should we just add a smiley face so you know they are yours?" She agreed and that was that.

On a brighter note. Tomorrow my cleaning fairy will come for the first time. I am a little nervous. I have never paid someone to clean my house before. Okay. Not quite true. Heather's daughter was here before. But paying a 15 year old feels a little different than hiring a cleaning lady. We have agreed on 2 times a week for 3 hours each. I think I will be able to entertain her for a while. It looks like all my translating money will go to it, but hey, Who cares. She is happy to have a job. My house will be clean and I am already plotting about getting more translations so I can make more money. It's all good in the long run!

TODAY IS A GOOD DAY

Why? I don't know. I would like to claim because I decided it would be a good day but I think it is a good day because the baby is asleep and even though he woke up after about 50 min he went back to sleep. 

It is a good day because my husband loves me and I see it in all the little things the does around here while I am not functioning the way I want to or should be functioning. 

It's a good day because my children are alive and happy and my heater is working. 

It's a good day because I will get off my rear now and get something done! 

MY LIMIT

I have officially reached my limit. I might survive from day to day, but only barely. James and I sat down and talked about it. We decided to hire a cleaning lady. The money I make translating should be enough to cover it. A friend of mine once said:"I'd rather pay everything I earn to my cleaning lady. I'd rather not clean which I hate and do something I enjoy doing." And then she added:"And on top of it all I can feel good providing employment!" She is SO RIGHT! I am a little scared. And embarrassed. I really don't want anyone to see my house:"as is".

I wish I could make sense. I wish I could say what I feel. I wish life wasn't so confusing sometimes. I wish I could just be happy being who I am and where I'm at. I wish I could see in myself what others see in me. At least what the people who love me see. Wouldn't that be nice? To see your positive aspects like others see them? I think we would all be happier if that was possible. 

I think I'll go cry a little. That usually makes me feel better, too. 

ROTM - NIGHTMARE

What a nightmare that room is! January will haunt me for the rest of the year if this is not resolved soon. I made the boys work on their room to keep up appearances. And I just worked in the girls' room for an hour keeping them working without seeing much progress. Yes, I see progress, but if we keep going at this rate this room will at least 4 full hours of work with the 3 of us. And that is assuming that they won't play in it or toss clothes around. That'S also assuming their little brother will stay out of it. Fat chance, I know. We already spilled the same game box 3 times. I am ready to just toss the game if it weren't for the fact that Ella bought it with her own money just 6 weeks ago. Not even my husband's approach to cleaning seems to help in their. He just takes a broom swipes everything into one big pile and then picks out the keepers. But if you first have to clear enough floor space to even start sweeping you know you are doomed. 

On the upside. I am finally catching up with laundry it seems. The hampers might be pretty full, but none of them is full enough to justify starting one load. Only one load to fold and about 3 or 4 to put away. If I stick with it, I can get it done today.

Editors note: I didn't. I was too busy having fun with the kids!

DECLUTTER RESOLUTIONS

This one was simple.

STOP sorting

START discarding

I have spent so many years managing stuff. Toys and clothes is my nemesis. I  CAN'T for the life of me throw away a single sock unless I know it's better half is history. I have started to throw away pieces of games that no one ever plays and that only get thrown around and left for me to pick back up. You will not believe how hard it is for me. The upside? When I come across more pieces it is really easy. Because I know the game is a goner. All of these pieces can be tossed as other parts of the game have been binned earlier.

I have regretted it sometimes. Like with this cute little memory. But once we had tossed the broken box for it, it was basically impossible to keep the pieces together. I tried. Hopeless case. I am sad when I come across cards for it. As I am writing this, I realize why. It was one of the first games we got Alex. And I remember sitting on the floor with him trying to play it with him. He always just wanted to take the plane, the car, the train and I was trying to help him understand he needed two. So, it's not really about the game. I think I will give myself permission to keep one card and put it in his scrapbook

BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

What a stupid week. Highlights were a busted lip needing for stitches and a sick child with a high fever, minimal puking and a terrible cough. Add dress up day at school and a chess tournament and a worn out husband and you have mix that makes for one long exhausting week. By Friday I needed some baking therapy, by Saturday it hat to be cake therapy. 

I am glad to say it worked. I experimented. I made a triple layer cake. White cake top and bottom with a layer of cheesecake in the middle. Separating the layers is a fruity layer of blueberry. My test eaters are working on it right now, lets hope I get good scores!

Well, one complaint was that you couldn't tell it was cheese cake in the middle. "Tastes more like pudding." Say what? Okay, I'll work on it. As they requested a second piece it can't have been all bad. 

STRESS LEVEL CHECK

I was on the way to the car for a dental appointment. I saw the neighbors had their glass collection boxes out so I grabbed ours to put it on the curb. As I did so, a certain brand of beverage caught my eyes. "Isn't there a deposit on this bottle," I thought? I pulled it out, and sure enough, the label said it was. You have to rinse them and return them to the store with the cap. So I fished it out. That one and the 13 others. They are now in my garage waiting to be rinsed and returned. As if that wasn't bad enough I barely made my appointment. 

Ate the moment I busy, busy, busy. An once again it feels like no matter what I did get done during the day, in the end it wasn't enough. It is so hard to fight this feeling. The feeling of never doing enough and that the things I accomplished are never good enough. 

At least I realize what is going on.