TIME LAPSE

My life feels like I am watching a time lapse movie. Anytime I blink a day is up. I have been crazy busy, rather successful with most things unless you consider household chores and decluttering goals, oops, but I have kept all appointments, had fun with the kids doing things they like and in general am doing better getting the things done that I feel are important. 

Thanks to the cleaning fairy the house is slightly improving. I am stubborn  enough to nto do a single thing she can do at the moment as I think it is key to really keep her busy the 3.5 hours she is here every week and for me to make progress sin other areas. I still need to work on getting enough sleep.

Over all I think things are going so much better than just a few weeks ago. I have also learned to be a little nicer to myself. To acknowledge the things I do and worry less about what is left to do.  

I had a few attempts at blogging but never finished my posts. I do hope to still get them to you in the near future!

Life might not be perfect, but it's good none the less!

COMFORT ACQUIRING

Comfort acquiring is like comfort eating. But instead of eating you get stuff. That's what I did today. After some serious comfort eating yesterday. After I had dropped the kids off and my gaze wandered across the public book shelf pulling out of the parking lot, I got back out of the car and and looked through the books. I took 3. One for the kids to read, one for me to read and one that I think I can sell. In my defense I would like to add that I put 3 other books that I had picked also, back. And I was fully aware of what I was doing. I realized that I am getting these books not because I needed them, or particularly wanted them, but because I felt the urge to take something home. To acquire something. I made the conscious decision to take books home, I gave myself permission. In the hope that it would keep me from eating more chocolate. I am afraid it only worked partially.                                                                                                                     

MARZIPAN

Maybe the following can explain how my little hoarder brain works. I found Marzipan in the kitchen It had expired 2 years ago. But then you know. Marzipan sometimes is still good. Then again it might not be, but you know the second you open the package. The problem is, that I couldn't open the package. What if it was still good? Then I would have to use it. I had not time for that. It took a few days to convince myself that it most likely wasn't good anymore. So the sensible thing would be to throw it away. But then on the other hand. I could still use it to practice a few things. Expired or not. ARGH! How stupid is that? I mean obviously it is the sensible thing to do. Right? Waste nothing.

I got more and more irritated every time I looked at it. I finally grabbed all for packages and through them in the trash. 

I felt a sense of relief. Relief, that I gave myself permission to not check twice and not use it to get the maximum out of it. Simply toss it because it was expired. So it took me 10 day. But hey. In the end I did it!

I AM HAPPY

Today was a good day. I am almost caught up. I did most of what I set out to do. The cleaning fairy for once was faster than expected. What more could I ask for. Oh well, a few things, but for once I will be content with what got done.I did silly chores, like wash windows, but it kept me working. I decided I shall see it as a good sign that I don't insist that this is the finishing touch for a clean room.

Now, if I can only get myself to start ironing I might just be able to work off the 50 min that are left on the clock still. 

MY WELL PLANNED DAY

went down the drain when my upset neighbour called me at 7:30 am with an school issue. The rest of the morning was spent calming her down, making a plan and seeing the head master. Somehow in between I managed to cook lunch and run 2 loads of laundry, but only because my first load was in before 7 am. I could once more not call the therapist, because after shoving around the piece of paper with the number for weeks I finally lost it, the day I am ready to make the call.  I skipped eating lunch to run off to a doc appointment with Ella and by the time I was back it was 5 pm and I was exhausted.

I challenged a friend last night who is in a similar emotional place as I am at the moment to see who would go longer without crying today. I cried by 12:45 pm and still won. 

I'll go to bed now. My friend and I have decided to just pretend it is Monday and start over tomorrow morning. 

APRIL FOOLS

My week was so bad that I totally forgot to post my little April's fools day post. Today was bad, too. I am feeling a little better, but everything seemed super hard. I kept going none the less. I have to keep telling myself that I will do just one more thing. And then keep going. Depression stinks. I am glad that I have James and the kids. They keep me going. Nothing like a little one beaming at you just because you walk into the room. I'll feel better. Soon.

HARD WEEK

I've had a hard week.I was emotionally low. I craved sugar and I wanted to do nothing but sleep. I feel like I can never climb out of this hole and I have to keep telling myself that I will, just not today.

I made the mistake of reading an article about habits of successful people and I feel even worse. 

I am strong. I am determined. I will tackle the laundry.