PERMISSION FOR PERFECTION

I know that perfection is an illusion. At least in this life. There might be tiny aspects of our life that are perfect for us. Yet there is so much lacking for over all perfection. I am not sure where that never ending dying need for perfection comes from. I wish I could just shed it, but that wi 

WAIT! BUT? No, I don't want to get rid of my desire for perfectionism. I just wish I could do things perfectly without being slowed down by that need for perfectionism. 

Lately I have given myself permission to give in to that desire. Why? Well, because this way I at least got started on the kitchen which is more than just necessary after the moth infestation. (I hate you organic products!) It seems that I kicked the moths even without the thorough clean everyone claims is a must.

Where was I. Yes. Permission for perfection. It calms me to get things "perfect". IT has a therapeutic effect on me. I just might be able to use that in the future.

Today I don't need perfection. Today I just want to get things done. Lets do them!

TODAY WAS BETTER

It does help to not have anything to take care of outside of the house except school drop off and pick up to get a few things done, I did 90 min of chores today. I was shooting for the full 2 hours, but surrendered after dinner. I considered ironing, but no. I did enough. It's all good. At least it was today.

TAXI TUESDAY WITH A TWIST

For years Tuesday has been my day with the million errands and extra curricular activities. Today I added a fun twist. A sick toddler. I meant to leave him home with his older brother but he was very eager to come with me. He looked miserable, was burning up and overall not doing all that great.

Well, we dropped off the girls and just before I wanted to swing by an office to make an appointment I heard the happy gurgling sound of puke escaping a little body. Not too surprising as he already puked a few days ago and is stricken with  diarrhea. Still. Not fun. But such a trooper. "Are you okay," I asked. "Yes mommy," his sweet reply. 

Hw puked 2 more times in the car and 1 more time at home (yes, of course, all over me) and then I put him down to sleep and ran too pick up the girls. 

Oh well. So now I have more laundry and no groceries. We'll see what tomorrow will bring!

TODAY IS WORSE

I know it comes and goes in waves. I am crying, my hands are shaking, I am not even sure why. I know the wave will ebb back out again, but that is little consolation when it crashes over your head, pulls you under and threatens to suffocate you.

CRYING

Once again, I am crying. I am not even sure why. Just everything adding up I guess. Stupid cold, a puking child, Christmas around the corner. I need to stop. I need to stop and think. Decide what's important in my life. It can't be that it is a constant struggle. I don't want to live like this. I want to learn to drop the stuff that is unimportant and focus on the real stuff.