SICK OF BEING SICK

I am sick of it. Since Christmas someone has been sick it seems. Usually the little one. Runny nose, temperature, nasty temper. The week before Easter I was in bed myself for 5 days. Feeling miserable, not even able to deal with basics. My clean up plans went down the drain and now I am still feeling week, my head is still kind of stuff, the baby is SICK and I am sick of it. James is gone until Friday. I am sick of the endless battle against chaos and I am sick of feeling that this place is never clean. I have decided to try cleaning therapy today. I will clean until I puke or feel better. At the moment I think  puking will put and end to it, but you never know. If I feel like I am getting somewhere I might just end up feeling better.

I HUGGED 6 PEOPLE

A few weeks ago I hugged 6 people in a period of 24 hours. Yes. That is noteworthy. I am not a hugger. Not at all. I despise people pretending to show affection by giving me fake hugs. Fake hugs seem to be all you get theses days. I have enough issues with people wanting to hug me for real, but fake is THE WORST!

So I  more then surprised myself this weekend when I not only allowed 3 people to hug me but initiated a hug with the other 3. I wasn't sure what to make of it. I decide to take it as sign of feeling better. Of being able to reach out again and to allow people back into my private space.

THEIR LAST SWIM

Today I bragged about throwing away an unlit candle on my hoarder forum. I joked that the world was coming to an end, that I felt brave and asked what I should throw out next. A wise soul on there asked me:

"What else do you have knocking about that has never been used but sits there making you feel guilty?"

That really got me thinking. I  must admit that almost EVERYTHING that is a part of my hoard makes me feel guilty. That made me nervous. I would have to find something. FAST. James brought more boxes down from the attic. I looked into the first box and I found these beauties:

What are they? Well. Sea horses. Can't you tell? Plastic ones. The kind you stick into your bathtub so you won't slip. I purchased them more than a decade ago as a safety measure for the kids. They didn't work for us. The kids liked sticking them to the side of the tub, but they didn't prevent a single slip. They have survived every single purge I did over the last 12 years. Not this one!

NEXT WEEK

I wrote the headline last week, and never got around to writing the post. I finally remembered what I wanted to write.

I wanted to tell you all (if you are out there) that I was going to get my 2 hours a day in this week. Guess what. I haven't. I cheated like mad and I am still 30 min short. 25 to be exact. I still have 1.5 hours before my time is up, but I really need to sleep. I am tired. 

I could see it as therapy. Letting go. Cutting myself some slack, Being happy with what I DID achieve. I tried that once. Didn't work. I might just have to cheat some more...

FARE WELL TIGER CUB

May you never be separated from you Mommy again. Save travels Jonah! May you make it to Niniveh safely. Good by little Mouse! May your world stay fun and full of colors. 

The little one has managed to destroy 3 flip the flap books in less then a day. And when I say destroyed I mean destroyed. Each flap is torn off and with it usually half of the page. I was especially sad about the first one. The one in which the tiger cub is looking for his Mommy. He did some prep-work the days before and I found flaps in the recycling trash that his "I-will-toss-anything-that-crosses-my-path"-brother already put there that I saved. When I found more flaps I said to JAmes:"I guess I should just toss the book." He agreed but I didn't do anything. I saw the book in the trash the next morning. I was crying out to me all week until I took it to the outside bin the night before pick up. I was this close to taking it out to at least take a farewell picture. 

Tiger Cub, Jonah and the little Color Mouse are gone. Sigh. I wish this wouldn't bother me so much. At least I let them go. That's a lot more than I would have been able to do just a year ago!