Last night was one of those horrible evenings. When it all falls apart. I cursed them and cried. I swore they would not get away with it. I gnashed my teeth and felt like breaking things. James did a good job listening to me. And I could tell he was upset, too. If they leave me out, one thing. But if I get the impression they are cutting out my kids to get at me that's it. Well. James wrote an email, the response a day later was that it is all one big misunderstanding and of course my kids are welcome to join. Of course it might all just be a misunderstanding. But with my history of being actively excluded, can you blame me for feeling they are out to get me through my kids?

Well. We did stay up way to late last night talking about it. James told me that he has an opinion about all the things that are going on. He said it might be better to just keep his mouth shut, but if I really wanted to, he'd share his 2 c with me. I insisted. And I am so glad I did. He asked me if Amber had invited me to go walking in the past 2 weeks. Well. Indeed she has not. He told me about a conversation he overheard. The new girl and Amber talking about going for walks on a weekly basis. And the new girl saying:"How about we invite Katja, too?" This I think is the third time that someone has told Amber to invite me. She usually agrees, but never does. I wonder if she runs around telling people that I couldn't make it or declined the invitation.

I was surprised to be honest. I said:"why on earth would she do that?" She is always nice to me. James told me that of all the things he heard of her through me she seems to be a person who likes things to go her way. And if I was there I definitely would speak up if I had different ideas. And to not have to put up with it, she cuts me out.

All the puzzle pieces fell into place. One incident after the other that I attributed to her rather direct (borderline rude) personality and that I was willing to forgive and make excuses for made sense. And I remembered just how many times when she had the other girls assembled around her I had the impression of a queen, talking to her subjects. Guess what. I will not bow to the queen. James is right. I would speak up and throw her tea right back into the harbor.

It hit me. She is toxic. A viper that I mistook for a garden snake. 

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