MO 69

THANK YOU! THANK YOU SO MUCH! I have had a really rough week. I have sick kids, a million appointments and I am fighting so hard to keep up with my 2 hours a day. Wednesday night I kind of surrendered and carried over 90 min which of course turned into 120 to carry over by Thursday. Today I am facing the impossible task of 4 hours of household chores/declutter. The only reason for me to go on today was my natural stubbornness and the hope that if I work hard I might pay off some of my debt. 

I felt bad for not blogging as blogging keeps me focused. I had logged out of my google account and then it seems I don't know how to get back into my blog. So I keep the "comment notifications" that are usually spam. They are like a backdoor back into my blog. Today I could hardly believe my eyes.
Someone is actually reading my blog. And tells me it helps them to keep fighting their very own battle against their very own hoard.

I am sitting here, crying like a baby and all of a sudden if feels like it is worth it to keep fighting. Thank you for giving me back hope!

BLAND

Today was an absolutely bland day. Nothing really happend. The day just kind of evaporated. Now everyone is asleep and I climbed out of bed to not wake my husband with my crying. I am not even sure what it is. I feel so stuck.

I still want a day, that is just about me. I want to be spoilt from head to toe and not worrying about having another week ahead of me with a total of 5 additional appointments during the day and 2 evening ones.

I wish I could just have a crying fit and sob it all out, but that moment is past. I'll be a big girl. Update my calendar and be responsible and go back to bed. Tomorrow will be busy, I better be rested. 

STUBBORN

Stubbornness is usually not considered a virtue. For once being stubborn paid off. I have so much going on at the moment. One appointment after the other. And the ambitious goal to work at home for 2 hours on maintenance and decluttering. Week #4. Worst day I was 1 h and 40 min behind. Meaning I had 3 h and 40 min to do that day. Well. It took me 3 days but I am all caught up again. And somehow in this tiresome battle I finished the first ROTM for 2017!

PLANNING

No matter how well I plan my day, something will interferes with my plan. Today I was able to shrug it off. "It is what it is," I said in stead of lamenting (okay so I did) over my disrupted plans and on how the day had gone so much smoother if certain little people had informed me instead of Daddy about being out of school earlier today. Well. I managed to shut myself up. And then just kept going with the new plan. I need to stick to day. Saves loads of emotional energy!

FORMING A HABIT

They say it takes 21 days to form a habit. MY 3 weeks of working 2 hours Mo-Sa are up. And guess what. I really did form a new habit. I wish it was working 2 hours a day, but I am far from it. So far I only made starting my timer and checking for jobs I am willing to do a habit. Better than nothing I would say. The 2 hours are still a big struggle. SO many jobs out there I really don't want to do. So many things to take care of that feel useless. So many challenges that I am not ready to face.

For the moment I will be happy with the fact that I am getting 2 hours of work in every day, even if it is a struggle. I have spent some time thinking on how to go about it best (I spent hours waiting at doctors offices this week I had plenty of time to think) and decided that a 1 hour base plan of daily chores and 6 10 minute units that are flexible and vary from day to day will give me the best chance of accomplishing my goal. This is the first week to try my new and improved 12 x 10. I'll let you know how things went next weekend!

ROCKSTAR AWESOME!

Yup. That is me. This week (MO-FR) I survived 20 hours of taking kids places. 10 hours of cleaning (I finished 20 sec after midnight on Friday night), wicked weather and James gone for 1 night. I probably gained 3 pounds but at this point I don't care. I made it. And I managed to supervise homework and have the kids practice their instruments. I even squeezed in piano lessons for me.

I am very proud of myself for getting 3 h and 20 min done especially as I still had 90 left around 6 pm. It really took some hard work and determination and encouraging words from friends to get me through it. I was SO PROUD of myself for running the time of the clock by midnight. I wanted to be done before, but I thought 20 sec late ain't too bad. And then it hit me! MIDNIGHT! 2 hours on the clock again! For a second I thought I should just keep working, but then I decided to call it a night and GO TO BED! 

MY DAILY 2

Starting on the 26th of Dec. 2016 I have put in 2 hours of work Mo-Sa. As long as the kids where out of school and we had no extra curricular activities it was pretty easy. Once school started back up it got a little harder. I was debating whether or not I should allow myself to work ahead or transfer missing time to the next day. I felt I shouldn't do any of that, as the object is to get me to work daily.

This weeks was absolutely CRAZY with appointments. Add some snow and icy roads which added to my commute time and added taxi rides to my schedule I found myself out of the house on Wednesday for a total of 7,5 hours in 2 blocks. Believe it or not, I was able to get 1 h and 40 min in that day. I decided to allow myself to transfer the missing block to Thursday. Thursday I was on the road for a mere 4,5 hours but I was emotionally exhausted and I ended up having 1 hour and 20 min left. It felt like to much to transfer but I really, really wanted to keep this going

Here is what I came up with:

•  It is okay to work ahead for busy days. 
• you can transfer missing time to the next day
• you can not accumulate more than 2 hours of missing time 
• you need to catch up by Saturday, the clock will be reset on Monday

I can live with that. I think I need a little flexibility for crazy days and to stay motivated, but I know what happens ponce you are "in the hole" and how frustrating it is when you can't dig yourself back out.

I am so close to finishing week 3 of this project. I CAN DO THIS!

RESOLUTIONS TO HELP ME GET ORGANIZED

Look what I found. Last year's resolution on getting organized:

Now this one was a hard one.

Get organized. What on earth does that mean for me? This is what it means for me

• have things accessible so I can just get them when I need them
• know where things are
• have a reasonable reserve (having 3 spare shower curtains in the basement is NOT reasonable)
• have a place for everything
• use what I have (don't save for "later")

I think you get the idea. I think I do. Man. I have a long ways to go still.

I would like to just add one thing. THROW OUT ALL THE CRAP! Seriously. I have thrown away 1 full container of sunscreen (expired) and 1 of aloe vera lotion (surprise surprise also expired) I did not feel guilty, I just thought I should have tossed this last time I came across it.
Yes. It's a long road, but I am on it and that's all that matters! Oh. And btw, I think I stil lhave 3 shower curtains in the basement....

NEW WEEK - NEW ME

I like fresh beginnings. If you are like me and simply too hard on yourself, every now and then you need to erase the score of ME vs LIFE and start over. Mondays are always a good day to start over.
Back to school is always a challenge of it's own so I am taking things slowly. I have decided as long as the basic needs are met, life is good. The rest is bonus.

I have put in 12 days of working 2 hours in the house since Christmas. I thought I saw results, but  at the moment I just want to surrender and give up. I have to remind myself that I have done quite  bit of organizing and that takes time.

Tuesday hit me like it always does. With snow and an extra taxi ride. Kids who have wet shoes all the time and need a second pair, trust them to have the same size all of a sudden and the store having only one pair left. The list goes on. The day has 6,5 more hours and I have 90 min on the clock still. I feel like giving up, but I will not. I'll give up tomorrow....there is always tomorrow...

BECAUSE I CAN

Last week I threw away an unopened package of fancy seeds like pine nuts, sunflower seeds and pumpkin seeds. Why? Because I can. I also tossed an opened but basically full package of sesame seeds. Why? BECAUSE I CAN! It helped that they expired 6 months ago. MY usual MO would have been to open them, sample them, tell my self that they are still good (or be relieved if they weren't as that meant I could toss them) and then tell myself I need to keep them because surely I would use them later. NOT!

Today I tossed a cute card game. Why? Because I can. Yes. Very cute artwork. Fun game for little kids. But guess what. Some of the cards were torn and bent, I think 1 is missing and you can play that game with any old deck of cards. Sure. You won't have the cute bunnies, but you can still play the game.

I can. I really can! 

HAPPY NEW YEAR -OR- I OWE YOU NOTHING

A friend of mine once mentioned that one doesn't "have to learn" a language, but that it is a privilege and a blessing. She says she "treats" herself to a new language every 2 years.

And once again it is all about our choice of words. I have decided in 2017 I will work on doing things because I want to do them. To find joy in the process. Things to learn in the process.

I feel that too many times I do things because "they" expect them from me. Whoever "they" is. This is what I have to say to "them":

I OWE YOU NOTHING

Being free to live includes freeing myself from the dictatorship that makes me feel that I "have to" do certain things and live a certain way. Keep staring and shaking your pretty heads. I don't care. Not this year. 2017 owes me nothing and will give me everything. Why? Because I will do what it takes to get it!