MY THERAPIST

Yup. I have my very own therapist. I guess I do share him with quite a number of other people. But I have a therapist. It only took me a year to finally get one. Once I found him things happened quickly. I contacted at least 20 offices with little to no success. His was one of the first I called. Of course none of them ever answers a phone so you leave a message. He did called me back  3 days later, we talked and he said that he had a cancellation on Friday and if I wanted to I could come for a "get to know each other" session. He told me that his waiting list is worth about 3 months but if I have time in the mornings I might wait less.

Long story short, I went, felt good there, and before I knew it I was attending weekly sessions even without having to wait. I have been going to therapy now for about 8 weeks and let me tell you. I feel great. 

My therapist helps me to see the root of problem and helps me find the part of me I need to solve it or to make it less of a problem.

Today he told me that he was very impressed and very happy with how much creativity I use the tools he gave me. He even asked if I will start a career as a therapist myself! He said I have many great ideas and he is very happy with how well I am doing. We have decided to have bigger intervals between sessions.

The other day my husband asked me why I was smiling. Side effects from therapy I'm afraid! 

CONFUSED

I am not sure how to describe how I feel at the moment. On the one hand I am exhausted. On the other hand I know I have the strength it takes to pull this off. And with "this" I mean everything. EVERYTHING! School, therapies, weight loss, the attic, renovating 3 rooms, adding 2 more and a bathroom. Not to forget piano and other music classes, ballett and I don't know what else. Oh. Work. Yes. I can deal with work, too.

I feel like nothing I do matter, but I see that as long as I stick with my "senseless" endeavors things change. Slowly ever so slowly, but they do. Sometimes only for a moment but I hope that eventually they will change for the better for ever. 

I am happy and sad, determined and hopeless. I am drained and full of energy. 

I think I need more sleep...