BURDENS

I will not allow you to be my burden. Not anymore. For so many years I have carried the load, that others put on me, around with me. I am done.

I will not worry if they like me or not. I will be kind. For the sake of being kind. Because I feel better when I am kind. 
I will not worry if they think my house is clean enough. I take care of my family. The best way I can.
I will not even worry about all the things that usually worry me right now.

As I was writing this I got a phone call. James got injured playing basketball. No one is sure what really happend, I was told he must have smacked his and kept playing. 2 min before the game was up he collapsed and started puking. I feel for him and would like to be with him, hold his hand and tell him things will be okay. Yet I am not worried. A little part of me also wants to smack him for being stupid. That is so him. Ignoring his pain and playing as if his life depended on it. 

I am filled with peace and I know things will be alright. He is in good hands. His friends called an ambulance and stayed with him. They offered to come pick me up as I am without a car, one offered to bring his wife to babysit. It is past 10 pm. There is nothing I can do for him. He is in good hands. The only thing I can do for him is stay with his kids and keep them save.

If this had happened yesterday I would have been a sobbing mess with visions of his funeral and myself as a widow with 6 children. 

Today I am filled with peace. God loves me. Good loves James. Everything will be alright.