WHAT HAVE I EVER DONE TO YOU?

I am not sure if I told you about a certain bunch of women in my social circles. They have never been mean to me face to face. They always tell me how awesome I am. Most of them have been to my house for dinner or parties. At least half of them like to throw the "we have to get together and do something" at me on occasion.  And every time they do get together they "forget" to invite me. Our community is small and word would and does get around. My big issue was that they would discuss their parties in front of me without ever inviting me. One time they were sitting on my patio, eating my food. Talking about how much fun they had last time and how much they are looking forward to next time. 3 of them. With me there. RUDE!

It used to make me sad. I would cry and ask myself:"Why don't they like me?"

For a while I thought I was over it. But I think I only thought so cause I just never heard about their parties anymore. My friend Heather said they are not having them at the moment. Now one of them is moving away and they are going out to dinner. Heather asked me if I got a FB message from a certain someone. No indeed I did not. "Oh, never mind then." "Oh, do tell, I don't care," I said. Yes. Farewell dinner at a restaurant. With everyone BUT me it looks like.

Again.

I guess I do care.

The kids were in bed. I was weeding. For the first time I wasn't sad. This time I was angry. "What have I ever done to you," I asked. I kept pulling weeds. Then I wondered if I was asking the wrong questions. Maybe I should ask:"What have I ever done FOR you?"

"Nothing," I thought, "I have never done anything for you." I kept weeding. Then I thought:"I invited you for Thanksgiving dinner and you canceled the day before and left me without pies. Because you had so much homework. I gave you 2 dressers. I gave you kitchen ware and drinking glasses. Here we go again. Why on earth is everybody short on drinking glasses? I gave you a wardrobe and spent an evening putting it together for you, cause neither you, nor your husband knows how to handle power tools. I had you over for dinner and you were one of the 3 mentioned in the first paragraph."

Maybe I am still asking the wrong questions. Maybe the real questions are:"Why does this bother me so much? Why can't I let it go?"

I think I'll go and pull more weeds. That at least yields results!

IT'S ONLY WEDNESDAY

Last week was full. This one is even fuller. I was kind of worried how I would make it through the week. Monday was hard but went okay. Yesterday was spent in a blurr of tears as I found out that my son's first teacher, who I liked very much and was a great help for me in becoming more confident with my parenting lost her battle against cancer.

Today about 20 min after I got up I could barely move anymore due to pain in my left shoulder (after being in pain all week last week on the right side). I had a meeting with a teacher at 2 pm, dentist appointments for everyone at 3 pm, hit a car in the parking lot in between. (Fortunately there seems to have been no damage on either car except for a minor scratch on my plastic bumper and the owner of the other car just shrugged it off) I cried some more today, due to pain and overwhelm and sadness for losing such a great teacher at such a young age. (She was 5 weeks younger than me.)

Can tomorrow possibly go worse? Definitley. But it won't. It simply won't.