A few weeks ago, I was at a convention for women organized by my church. I met old friends and also some new people. I was introduced to someone by a woman that I have known for some years. As Anne introduced me, she put her arm around me and said enthusiastically:"I love this girl's energy." My mental, sarcastic, reply was:"Right. Energy. Me. NOT!"
What she said stayed with me and I realized that she had a point. Some time ago, in a life I hardly seem to remember I used to have energy. Lots of it. Enough to go around. I wondered what happened to it. Once I realized I cried as it was such a relief.
For the last 2 decades I had slowly started to use my energy to keep my energy tamed and regulated. Why? Because way too many people out there can't handle the full energetic me. I am just a little too much for them. But guess what. That is their problem I decided. I have tried to protect my surroundings by keeping my energy bottled up. That made me aggressive and kept me from developing talents and character traits. In the long run I hurt the people around myself more with this behavior than by not restraining my energy.
I have no intention of walking all over others. I will just not be stopped by them anymore.
After so many years of not letting my energy flow it feels a little scary to let it all out. Nevertheless.
I am ready.
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