A GLIMMER OF HOPE

I found this draft today. I wish I could say I still feel this way. I don't. But I guess that is the problem with depression. Resurfacing is a journey not a one time experience. I need to sit down and evaluate what went differently a few weeks ago, I really do want to feel like this again:

I am not sure what happened. Hope is back. I am happier, more relaxed. I deal with stress better. Maybe my 6-8 month depression cycle is simply up. Or maybe it is all the extra sunlight i am getting with the days getting longer again.

James was sick last week. So was I. This is what went on Thursday.

I had 1 child home sick from school with potential stomach bug. James spaced his dental appointment. (that's the 3rd appointment we have spaced in 3 months, yikes). This meant that I had to go to the dentist so they could read Matt's health insurance card before it is too late, which THEY forgot last time he went. I had to do the piano run and of course the guy with the heating oil delivery that should have happened 3 weeks ago showed up 2 min before I wanted to leave, and yes, I had completely forgotten about it. I realized my washer is dead (great when the kids are puking. Simply great). I supervised homework with the rest, read with them, the doorbell rang, yes Alex forgot about his music lessons, so I rushed him back into town so he got at least 15 of the 30 min. We planted some of or vegetable seeds. By 11 pm the sick child finally puked. Across the room of course.

Here is what I didn't do.

- I did NOT turn to comfort eating
- I did NOT cry
- I did NOT yell at anyone

Here is what I did. I used my waiting time until pickup after music lessons for 2 10 min power walks. I went on a walk with Luke, even though it was getting dark cause he really, really, really wanted to go outside again. I held his little hand and talked and talked even though I think he didn't understand me. I told myself that I did a good job not only mastering this day but mastering it happy and calmly.

There. Hope.